God Only Knows

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on, believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me?
God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on, believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me?

God only knows what I'd be without you...

Student Profile @ UC Irvine

ICS Spotlight

Where did I go?

Some of you may be wondering what happened to me. A select few already know. Within the next couple of weeks things should become more stable. Even then, I can't talk about 75% of what I'm doing with my life...

Why not?!

There are many judges and thieves out there.

I will live in Irvine throughout April. Depending on what happens next week I will probably stay here for a least another 6 months.

"Prince John: My trap is baited and set... and then revenge. Ah, revenge!

Sir Hiss: Shh! Not so loud, sire. Remember, only you and I know, and your secret is my secret.

Prince John: Stop! [ Laughs ] Stop hissing in my ear. Secret? What secret?"

- Disney's Robin Hood

Change

I watched you change
Into a fly
I looked away
You were on fire
I watched a change in you
It's like you never had wings
Now you feel so alive
I've watched you change

I took you home
Set you on the glass
I pulled off your wings
Then I laughed
I watched a change in you
It's like you never had wings
Now you feel so alive
I've watched you change

It's like you never had wings...
ahh-ah-aaah (6x)

I look at the cross
Then I look away
Give you the gun
Blow me away

I watched a change in you
It's like you never had wings
Now you feel so alive
I've watched you change
And you feel alive
You feel alive (2x)
I've watched you change

It's like you never had wings...
ahh-ah-aaah (6x)
You change (3x)
...I'm over...

("Change" by Deftones)

I'm Not In Love

I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because
I call you up
Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..

I like to see you
But then again
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you
Don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends about the two of us
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..

I keep your picture
Upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain that's lying there
So don't you ask me
To give it back
I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me
I'm not in love, no no, it's because..

Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh you'll wait a long time
Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
Ooh you'll wait a long time

I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because I call you up
Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love
I'm not in love

Sir Ken Robinson: Do schools kill creativity?

I couldn't agree with Sir Ken Robinson more. I have always been a creative creature. I excel in theater arts. I'm good at visual arts and love to sing and dance. I love to think and create entire systems and infrastructures.

It is my desire to create that attracted me to computer science. It allowed me to be creative. I taught myself HTML when I was introduced to the internet at age 14. I taught myself the (horrific) table-based page formatting models. I learned to use Adobe Photoshop and Macromedia Fireworks. I learned to use the Java applets that were popular in those days (1996). The result was my school's website. Nido de Aguilas finally got a professional to make a new one, but only after using modified versions of my original website for nearly 10 years!

Saddelback College introduced me OOP, C++ and UI programming using Java, AWT, and Swing, but I 'learned' C++ from The C++ Programming Language. I learned STL from Accelerated C++ and Generic Programming and the STL. I learned about C and make from A Book on C. I taught myself to install, configure and use Linux and FreeBSD. Ruby. Rails. CSS. XML. JavaScript. SQL. C#. XNA. wxWidgets. Excel VBA. Python. PHP. bash. I can go on and on ad nauseam.

The point is I learn by books, not schools. I learn on my own, on my own time, at my own speed. I learn by my creative digestion of the literature. I learn by actually doing something that applies to the real world, not two classes from now or a job from now, but RIGHT NOW. It's need-based learning and I've acquired a nice little library of books and URLs because of it.

I'm sure Sir Ken Robinson would agree that there is a lack of freedom in our schools today. I'm not a grade. I'm an artist. Give me some room. Give me some time. I will create beautiful systems that help people through my art, but because I've been so hampered by competing with your metrics, I have no art to show.

I'm afraid due to metrics that I will spend the next few years at an employer where I feel just as restricted. Artists usually starve, but I can practice my art on my own time...

M.I.K.E. vs. The Rest of My Life

I will not lie, I really want to see M.I.K.E. on Saturday. "Strange World" under his Push guise was my favorite song back in 2000. It has this carefully suppressed energy that slowly feeds you. Let's not forget the little slice of breaks he throws in there. Some of the tunes he's been dishing out lately on Armind are sick.

Unfortunately, a few realities settle in. I may see delta9 later today. I don't have the time (not to mention the finances) to go out twice in a row. In fact, you can argue I don't have any time whatsoever. I graduate in 14 days! I can graduate in 12 days if I decide to take one of my finals early.

Let's say I have 12 days. I have to:

• Do a direct feed of my video game from last year, Legend of Fiasco


• Finish my ICS Ambassador Project. I have enough data. It is time to present it.


• Update my Othello program to run in tournament mode. Once I get this working I may implement Negascout and some custom evaluation functions.


• Study for my AI final. If I take it early I can get it out of the way and that leaves me with 4 full days to...


• Finish the backend of the Nomatic*VS prototype

I also have to squeeze in some work there too. I will probably leave that for when I'm done with school.

Things will becoming extremely hectic once I finish school. I need a job!